I’d almost get the impression that you aren’t listening to what I’m saying and are just hearing what you think I ought to be saying.
(dammit–once again I had a thought then waited too long to type it…edits later)
(edit)
Okay, because men are, well, men. Apparently laying things out bluntly and plainly is necessary. Which is hard for me, actually.
First, being told “normally I’d be over joyed” in response to “I love you” hurts. A lot. Just saying.
Second, while I would not say no to, lets say intimate relations, I’d even potentially persue is in certain circumstances. I’m actually quite happy with being close friends. I just wanted things to be clear so there wasn’t an awkward situation at a more awkward time. This has already been discussed, I know. But I wanted to clarify again. I would like more children, desperatly. Perhaps the time isn’t right for that, logically. Someday I may ask for this, for reasons that are my own, and are related to my culture. I will, of course, share these reasons should that time come.
Third, I just…the important part of what I said last night was, “I want to wake with you by my side.” Not anything more or less, just the comfort of the presence of one I care about. This is perhaps the most important of anything I’ve asked. I wanted to be honest about my feelings, and to make clear that physical proximity is comforting, is nice.
That’s all I’ve got.
I may find myself regretting this level of blunt, but I feel like just honesty, with no dances around the truth, or anything else, is the best way to go in this matter.
I would like it if you would say something about what you’re thinking, feeling, what you’d like. Because I feel like I’m talking a lot, and not hearing much back…which is disconcerting at the least.
Women are so *complex* Close friendship, such as I thought we understood and shared, necessarily encompassas a degree of comfort from physical presence of the other. In our case, I would call the comfort “pleasure”. One which I enjoy, and look forward to continuing. From here, it would be easily enough for this friendship to expand into areas not yet explored, I am cautious only of the consequences, I do not object to the exploration.
It was, frankly, the sudden desire to express this feeling in words that caused me to try to put perspective and context about them and derive knowledge of predictive value. That is, I took a leap ahead of you, for belief that you were hinting, suggesting, that we undertake that further exploration of ourselves sooner, rather than later. I broke the Wizard’s first rule – I crafted a self deception in the desperate hope that it might be true, combined, perhaps, with real fear of the consequences if it were true as well. Another Rule: “Deserve Victory” In this, I do not.
Yes, I have Love for Maelona, but not, I think, as that words is often used. I am Wary of it. I am cautious too of doing damage to our friendship and understanding, as well as my friendship with Munsun, and also my respect within the Guild. “Honor the Family” This is a part of my Code. Once, I interferred in what I felt was a dangerous relationship within the Guild. I found myself without Guild, or Lions, old friends turned against me.
“Let me wake with you by my side” [Gladly] A simple request which need not even have been asked. Women are so *Complex* In all my span of days, I should despair of ever understanding their essential magic. The spark of Life within you holds back the darkness that is Despair and gives courage to continue. Walk with me a bit more on this path, if you would? I would walk with you by my side.